My Sanity Restored

Sunday 7-20
1) I have the best, most patient, forgiving, and understanding girlfriend ever because a good portion of my day was spent inside my head, thinking and reflecting on my reactions, emotions and thoughts, and trying to put together an action plan to help my self destructive cycle. Lots of creys and we went on the most unpleasant walk with thirsty bugs, uncomfortable silence, upset and unsaid feelings, some very sweet smooches, and nasty bug infested standing water smell. She stuck through it all and let me wallow all day…

2) Until I asked for some paper to write down all the shit in my head. Started with the nasty stuff that was plaguing my mind and heart but halfway through I switched to self affirmations and finding my personal strength again. After 20 mins or so of writing, I felt better, stronger, more of myself and the person she fell in love with and less of the pitiful, pathetic, shell of a person K put up with all day. I keep forgetting how cathartic and therapeutic writing is for me! It was almost instant how much better I felt.

3) So I laid down and watched K working through her work piles and fell asleep from the emotional exhaustion. K creeped on my drooling self and read some of it (shame on me for leaving my personal writings about in clear sight. again.) which may have had an influence on her weird behavior after my nap. Cutieface curled up on me and wouldn’t tell me what was up. She doesn’t normally let me cuddle-top her and certainly not as often, insistently, and adorably as she did. After lots of pulling she finally “asked” me to stay one more night and I couldn’t say no to the big baby I was holding. She gave me a good dose of my own medicine because she says I’m 10x worse, which only adds to her sexiness points. How’d I get so lucky?

Big baby like this one

4) She made us pancakes and sleepy tea and we got in bed for a documentary called Vegucated. It was eye opening, logical, emotional, sick, scary, and makes me really think about my food choices now. With more evidence, I only need to find my right balance for my diet. We ended up making out a bit, transitioning into a satisfying sexytimes before we passed out after a long emotional day.

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